The Person I Hate vs Love Most

It hurts you more than it does the person who has caused your bitterness. Realize no one is perfect, and we've all needed forgiveness at one time or another. Forgiveness is about grace, not fairness. Life simply isn't fair. Letting go is not and will never be accomplished in one sitting. You can forgive and really mean it, but later may feel the pain again, therefore, you must repeatedly choose to let go every time you start to feel resentful. Eventually, your emotions will catch up with your decision. Offering forgiveness is essential to your spiritual and emotional health. Believe me; easier said than done...

Yeah~ the word "Forgiveness" for me seems to be the hardest thing to do. You might forget but you might not really forgive or is it you might forgive but you couldn't forget bout it. So, which phrase is more suitable in my case? The one that I hate is the one I love most in this world. My dad, my father, my papa... why is it hard for me to forget everything that you have done before? When I saw you now, deep down my heart says "why did you do that before and make me hate you dad? Why don't you just be like the other fathers who used to care and accept his daughter with full of love? And do you have to make my mum suffered with your behaviour?"

You used to be a cruel guy that I ever met in this world. You hated me from the first time I came to this world? But why? Is that because instead of having a son for your second child, you got me as your daughter? But what did I done wrong? I too never want to come to this world and why should you hate me just because that reason? You know, sometimes I felt like I’m not your real child. Maybe I’m just a child which the two of you adopted~ Instead of treat me like a daughter, you treat me like a son. How could it be?

You used to quarrel with mom in front of me and the others. You enjoyed yourself with your scandals and you used to slap and mad at my mom with harsh words in front of the public!! Have you ever thought what people said to us (your children)?? Well yeah!!! Of course you never think bout that because you even don't know what people said to us when they saw you were acting like that in front of the public!!

And sometimes, I thought you were just being a very good to me now because you know that I can bring you benefits as you have found that my future is brighter than the other. You make me feel like I’m your "pet" and do as what you have planned. You gave me everything, anything that I want as long as I do very well in my studies. Whenever I asked for money, you will give it straight away. But then, have you ever consider how lonely I am? How hurt I am? Yes!!! I've done very well in my studies in the past and why it is?? Because I want to prove it to you that I can do better than a son can do to his father! I just want you to be aware the presence of me... your second child, the one that you hated most in the past! Yes dad, I do this because I want your attention!!

Even though I knew that you have tried to be a better person now, I just can’t forget for what you has done dad. I know that I don't have the right to judge you. But the thing is... it’s hard for me. Even though you might see me act like I’m al right, but the deep down in my heart, I’m totally not al right. Anyhow, I’m trying my best to forget it as you have changed a lot recently... I'm sorry dad~ I'm truly sorry. And thanks for giving me the finer things in life... Your time, your care, your love and your money.

And here is some poem dedicated especially for you dad...

Did I ever say thanks for all the toys you mended, games we played, outings to the park, and the way you always tried to cheer me when I was down?
Did I ever say thanks for the sacrifices you made so I could be involved in so many enriching activities?
Did I ever say thanks for working so hard to provide for our family?
Did I ever say thanks for having such faith in me and always being there when I needed you?
Most of all, did I ever say thanks for caring?
DAD, I LOVE YOU



God, bless all the fathers in the world. Guide them to be good role models and loving to all their children. Help them to be a father like You are. Give them grace and patience to handle situations in a loving way.